Things a girl would love her boyfriend to do

23 Mar

For blog

 

 

1) Give fresh flowers

A girl would always love her boyfriend to give them fresh flowers every now and then. It’s not that she love fresh flowers, it’s just because those flowers represent the only thing that is fresh in their stale and rotten relationship.

2) Hold hands in public

A girl would always love holding her boyfriend’s hand in the public, it’s not that she likes public display of affection nor she is scared of getting lost in the crowd. Holding hand of the guy is just the substitute for a dog’s chain, conveying the other girls around that “This Dog Is Mine”.

3) Candle light dinners

A girl would always love her boyfriend to take her for a candle light dinner. Not because it’s the most romantic thing. But it’s just because the guy won’t be able to see and admire the other girls in the dark, and will have to concentrate only on her face.

4) Look at their face and talk

Oh no, this is not about what you are thinking. It’s about multitasking. Girls know that guys are way better than them at multitasking. So, they also know that a guy can simultaneously check out other girls around, while talking to her and that to without missing a clue. So, to make herself feel important, girls insist on this point.

5) Remember the dates

This is the most important point where guys suck till the core. Guys can never remember the dates, they can sometimes even forget their own birthday. A girl expects nothing much from a guy, she only expects the guy to remember some of the most important dates like; When they first met, their first date, when he/she proposed, when he/she said yes, their anniversary, her birthday, her best friend’s birthday, her pets birthday, her parents birthdays , their anniversary etc.

Come on guys you can at least remember such important dates.

6) Go shopping with her

A girl would love her boyfriend to accompany her for shopping. Not just to pay for it, but also to help her lift the bags, saying it’s looking great on you for everything she tries on, visiting hundreds of shops to buy a single thing, spent hours bargaining for something which she doesn’t even need and in the end, buying something else which she was not supposed to.

7) Cook with them

A girl would always love her boyfriend to help her with cooking. Not because she loves the guys company in the kitchen, but

a) If she can cook and still the food is bad, she can blame the guy.

b) If she cannot cook, she can take the guys help, as guys are always better than girls at cooking.

8) Go for a movie

A girl would always love her boyfriend to take her out for a movie. Not because they both like that particular movie. It’s just because she likes the movie which is probably going to be a never ending love story. On top of that she can order the guy to fetch her popcorn and other stuff every now and then.

With an unbearable movie the guy also has to handle her nonstop irrelevant commentary which is more frequent than the dialogues in the movie.

9) Give them gifts

Every girl would love her boyfriend to gift her something or the other, every now and then. Not because she loves the gifts that she gets or that the guy happily and willingly buys it for her. It’s just because she can show those gifts to her friends and make them feel jealous about the number of gifts she gets, even when she herself never gifts anything to the guy.

10) Take them places

A girl would love her boyfriend to take her places. It’s not because she loves visiting places with the guy or spending time with him. It’s just about clicking snaps, getting them uploaded on facebook and showing off that they had a great time. No matter that till the time they were at that particular place, the only words they exchanged were “Click one photo like this”.

11) Sms

A girl would always love her boyfriend to sends her messages. Not because she misses him allot. It’s just because she can get the information about each and every movement of the guy and his whereabouts. Even from the sms’s the couple shares, the romantic sms’s are just found in the beginning. Later it’s just orders that the girl gives.

12) Trust them

Every girl would love her boyfriend to trust her blindly in any given situation. But the point is that “Does the guy have another option?

Advertisements

10 Species Found In Workplaces

22 Mar

workplace_safety

Being a “professional” working in an office, one gets to see a huge variety of Individuals. Few actually work, most do not. But the Organization just keeps running, like a well oiled machine. Ok, not all that well oiled.

So, here is looking at the 10 different kinds of species one can encounter in Offices.

1 . The dedicated fresher: An enthusiastic creature. Just out of one ordeal called university, joins work in hopes of a fresh start to their life. Gives their 100% to learning new stuff. Easily threatened and can be literally squeezed for work.

2 . The annoying fresher: “OOOhhh, What does this button do”, “How did you do that?”, “I have never done this before”, “Can I give it a shot?”. Another enthusiastic species, but extremely annoying.

3 . The Veteran: This species would have been around in office since dinosaurs went extinct. They let the rest know about the Golden days of Office, the wonderful team they used to be a part of and how things have changed, mostly not for the good.

4 . The Social Animal: The only reason this creature comes to office is to socialize. You can find them all over the office, meeting fellow kind and other species as well. They discuss “Projects”, Cricket, “Presentations”, Movies, “Clients” etc. If you know what I mean.

5 . The Napper: A descendant of Koala Bears, they spend most of their office hours taking a Power nap. That’s what they like to call it. The only thing power about that is their snoring though.

6 . The Jargonist:  This species is usually found at the top of the food chain. They are known to speak in a largely pointless language. Few examples include, “I guess we must escalate this issue”, “Let’s have a brainstorming session”, “That’s a very important Action Item”, “Time for a power nap”.

7 . The Nobody:  A very stealthy creature. Spends 8-9 hours in office camouflaged in front of its Computer. Keeps to itself and doesn’t mingle even with its own kind. Whenever In sight, It makes one go “Who on earth is that?”

8 . The Whiner: “Man, I hate this Office”, “How on earth do they expect me to finish this in 1 week”, “The food here sucks”, “The girls are not good looking enough”, “I hate to travel this far”, “I Hate this Job”. Dude, why are you working here then? “Umm, Maybe because I won’t get a job anywhere else?”

9 . The actual Worker: An extremely rare species, whom the Office survives on. They get shit done and get it done before time. More often than not, they don’t get recognized, which makes them slog more.  The other 9 creatures rejoice.

10 . The Smartass: Pretends to work hard and is in the good books of everyone who matter. Feeds on the “Actual Worker” and is often the most successful among all species. Goes on to become the “Jargonist”.

Differences between boys and girls

21 Mar

gender-differences-30759

 

 

 

 

Clothing: Boys just wear the clothes that are available clean at that moment of time. While girls have categorized their clothes in such a way that makes even the Indian caste system obsolete.

They have got party clothes, festival ( celebrated in day/ night) clothes, wedding( of relative/friend/sister/brother/friend’s relative/ X-BF), even their room(balcony not included)  clothes have only me in rum/ friends/ mess/ parents etc and further backup clothes in a code red situation which comes unannounced.

Driving:Boys are good driver until extra adrenaline/ booze/ just watched wither dhoom, fast and the furious, makes them to kiss and drag onto the road.

gals are the worst driver, they take the nearest turning, no matter on the wrong side. If some one comes in front of their vehicle then they will suddenly push up the brakes and for extra, they will drag their legs on the road.

when they meet an accident: when a guy meets and accident, everyone will say ” jerk trying to be john abraham” and when a gal meets an accident, then the public says” jerk trying to be john abraham” and to the gal ” ohho let me see (and touch) the wounds!

Room: mostly girls have clean bed sheets and pillow covers and without a doubt all in pink.

While boys don’t have a concept of bed sheets and pillow covers, let alone clean ones.

If they gals have a computer in their room then they definitely will have either wallpaper of “Miley Cyrus” or “Robert Pattision and twilight related species” or “ picture of a baby they don’t even know”. Where boy’s PC will have indescribable wallpaper and all time on torrent.

Flirting: There is a bitter truth that only girls do the casual flirting, where as majority of boys gives all the power and talent that he has got, any sort of achievements or knows a person who achieved something, to impress the girl and make it work.

Studies: Girls are really mean when it comes to studies. They maintain separate notes of separate subjects and they don’t give that easy as if they have nuclear launch codes hidden in them.

Where as boys just buys 1 copy, writes his name and below it, writes “all subjects of this year”.

Also when a boy tops the exams, his friends will be happy for them and will beat him up and will ask for party. Where as, when a gal tops , her friends congratulate her but definitely are saying “ u bitch, u didn’t deserved it” in their head for sure.

Social networking sites:

When a girl gets an unknown friend request from a guy, then that’s definitely a guy sending it. But when a guy gets a friend request from a gal then it’s definitely, without doubt, a fake id, and most probably that’s his friends trying to pull his leg.

Girls will get a billion of comments even when she writes “that’s my ugliest pic”.

For a boy, its works just opposite, no matter how good is the pic, he will just comments in single digit and if accidentally he puts a pic of him with a gal then no one will comment on the guy.

Shopping:

Boys generally waits for the flat 60 % off and then goes to shopping and even then will buy his things in about reasonable time.

While gals shop when they are fear/anger/guilt/depression/pride/jealousy/self-pity/anxiety/resentment/envy/frustration/shame/no relationship/happiness/love/appreciation/hope/ enthusiasm/vitality/confidence/gratitude/grief/   negative/patient/regret/resentful/sad/trust/vulnerable/optimistic/worried/denial/offended/ appreciative/apprehensive/ashamed/astonished.

Shopping by a couple:

Wife thinking: “give me all your money”

Husband thinking: “take all the money but don’t ask me whether I should buy a silk, chiffon, artificial, with or without borders and all the possible color combinations that u can show”.

Difference in opinions:

If a gal sees a Rs 3 Lac worth ghaghra then she figures herself wearing it, but a boys sees the same ghaghra then he sees a “maruti wagon-r with AC and front power window”.

But to me, if a gal buys that ghaghra, I will propose her immediately, coz screw the inner beauty and outer beauty bullshit, lets face the fact, with this study pattern of mine, I might need a payment seat for PG in the near future!

 

Reasons to stay at work all night

17 Aug

1. Act out your version of a company takeover.

2. Find a way to change everyone’s password to “chrysanthemum”.

3. Around 3:20am, play connect-the-dots with lights still on in other office buildings. Keep going until you see a small woodland creature.

4. Sneaking in the boss’s desk could land you an unexpected promotion.

5. Draw stick people in all the landscape pictures on the walls, and in the morning, be the first to point out “what a terrible thing that someone did this to such beautiful works of art”.

6. Go into the other gender’s bathroom without fear of being caught.

7. Run up and down the hallways screaming, hoping security will come so you can have someone to talk to.

8. Leave prank messages on the CEO’s voice mail.

9. Finally, a chance to live out a dream and pretend to be your boss.

10. Elevator surfing!

HOW TO IDENTIFY DIFFERENT CITIZENS OF INDIA

11 Aug

 

 

Scenario 1 :
Two guys are fighting & a third guy comes along, sees them and walks on.
That’s MUMBAI.

Scenario 2 :
Two guys are fighting. Both of them take time out & call their friends on their mobiles.
Now 50 guys are fighting.
You are in PUNJAB.

Scenario 3 :
Two guys are fighting & a third guy comes along and tries to make peace.
The first two get together and beat him up.
That’s DELHI.

Scenario 4 :
Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch.
A guy comes along and quietly opens a tea stall.
That’s AHEMDABAD.

Scenario 5 :
Two guys fighting and a third guy comes along then a forth and they start arguing about who’s right.
You are in KOLKATA.

Scenario 6 :
Two guys fighting and third guy comes nearby house and says “don’t fight in front of my place, go somewhere else .”
That’s KERALA.

Scenario 7 :
Two guys fighting third guy comes along with a carton of beer.
All sit together drink beer and abuse each other and go home as friends.
You are at GOA.

Last Scenario :
Two guys fighting.
Third guy comes and shoots both of them.
You are definitely in UTTAR PRADESH.

Motivational Speaker

20 Jun

ImageA popular motivational speaker was entertaining his Audience. He Said: ‘The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn’t my wife!’

The audience was in silence and shock. The speaker added: ‘And that woman was my mother!’

Laughter and Applause!!!

A week later, a top manager trained by the Motivational speaker tried to crack this very effective joke At home. He was a bit foggy after a drink. He said loudly to His wife who was preparing dinner, ‘The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my Wife!’

The wife went; ‘ahhhh!’ with shock and rage.

Standing there for 20 seconds trying to recall the second Half of the joke, the manager finally blurted out ”and I can’t remember who she was!’

By the time the manager regained his consciousness, he was on a hospital bed nursing burns from boiling water.

Moral of the story’ Don’t Copy if you can’t PASTE

Ten Ways to Differentiate Between school and college

20 Jun

1. In school, you do homework. In college, you study.

2. In school, you wear your backpack on one shoulder; in college, on both.

3. In college, the professors can tell you the answer without looking at the teacher’s guide.

4. In school, you’re told what classes to take. In college, you get to choose; that is, as long as the classes don’t conflict and you have the prerequisites and the classes aren’t closed and you’ve paid your tuition.

5. In school, if you mess up you can usually sweet-talk your way out of it. In college, you’re lucky to ever talk with the professor.

6. In school, when the teacher said, “Good morning,” you mumbled back. In college, when the professor says, “Good morning,” you write it down.

7. In college, weekends start on Thursday.

8. In college, it’s much more difficult to figure out the course schedule of the man/woman you have a crush on, in order to figure out where he/she will be walking around campus in order to “just happen to bump into him/her.”

9. In college, there’s no one to tell you not to eat pizza three meals a day.

10. In school, you can’t go out to lunch because it’s not allowed. In college, you can’t go out to lunch because you can’t afford it.

Roommate Confessions

16 Jun

Confessions from people around the world..

My freshman year I had an apartment and one of my friends got kicked out of her parents’ house, so I let her stay with me. Things were alright at first, but I started noticing all of my nice toiletries – shampoo, conditioner, even my makeup – were getting low really fast and figured out she was using them without asking me. I talked to her about it and she still didn’t stop, so I eventually labeled every single one of my things with my name. After my passive-aggressive tactics didn’t work I filled an empty shampoo bottle with semi-permanent orange hair dye. She got the message after that.

Kate R.

This was something that my (now ex) boyfriend did. People kept stealing his eggs out of the dorm fridge, so he started writing numbers on them with a sharpie when he put them in and wrote a note that said, “One of these eggs has been sitting on my radiator for 3 days. Only I know which one. Eat at your own risk.” He didn’t have problems with people stealing his eggs after that.
M.D. from EC

I changed my buddy’s windows shut-down noise to a 5 second long fart that I recorded myself. As a bonus, I turned his system sounds all the way up. The first time he shut down his laptop, he was in his college’s library. I wish I could have seen the look on his face.
Ian M. from BYU

I don’t share a room yet, still being in high school, but I have to share a locker at school. I’ve never met this girl, but I hate her guts. She leaves rotten food, screwed up pieces of paper, and her stinky games kit in our locker for me to find. Consequently, our locker (and all the stuff I have to put in there) stinks. I found my way of revenge when she pinned up pictures of Edward Cullen all over the inside door of the locker. I then made Hufflepuff scarves and glued them on with “Hello, I’m Cedric Diggory, before I died and reincarnated as a fairy.” This started a war, of her putting up her Twilight posters, and me either vandalising them, or putting Lord of the Rings posters over them. After three months of this, I got bored and just painted “Twilight suck, BITCH” in elvish on the rim of the locker which she sees every time she opens it. She’ll never know what it says. But I do. And that’s enough for me.

E. Barry

My freshman year I had a roommate that never, ever complained about anything. Instead, he would respond in any passive-aggressive way imaginable. He would turn up the TV when my friends were over, he would toss and turn in his bed if I was on my computer past 10 pm. Or sometimes he would just shut the door in the middle of a conversation with my suitemates on the other side of the dorm. Well, one day I went and bought untearable toilet paper and replaced the real toilet paper the day after hot wing night. Guess who didn’t get the memo? We heard him cursing and shuffling around the bathroom for a good 30 minutes before we heard him turn on the the shower. Guess who never said anything?
Charles K. from Florida

Dude, sorry about you shitting your brains out; it’s probably from the mouse shit we have been putting in your favorite frying pan for the past week. This probably wouldn’t have happened but since you moved in September you haven’t cleaned anything and leave all your dishes, pots and pans dirty sitting out as a result we now have mice in the house. Maybe you’ll read this and realize that frying your burgers, chicken and whatever else god awful food you decide to make in the same pan without ever cleaning it isn’t a good idea. Then again, maybe you will keep doing it and ignore us telling you to try and clean the pots and pans when you are done cooking.
Anonymous

While coming back from my friend’s place at 3am, I see my roommate in the community laundry room on one of the computers. I walk in and find him masturbating to porn. I was shocked since there are cameras in there, but he was so high. Apparently someone passed him a joint and he thought it was a cigarette. We walked back to the dorm and he literally couldn’t remember what state we were in. The next day I told him what happened and he had no memory of it. He begged me not to tell anyone, but he should have said something before I put it up on facebook.
Bijan G. from Rocky Mountain College

During my sophomore year I had this roommate who would constantly steal my DVDs without asking, then return them to the case scratched up. So to catch her in the act I placed a video camera on my desk that she never knew was on and caught her and her friends taking several of my DVDS. But most importantly I caught her and her boyfriend hooking up all around the room while I was in class. I took that video and got one of my friends to help me make it into a DVD, which I placed in one of my DVD cases and waited. A few weeks later she had some friends over and they asked if they could watch a movie in the room, of course I agreed. Much to my joy she grabbed the planted DVD and her and her friends watched on your huge TV before she had to run to shut it off. I’m glad to say that my DVDs were never touched again, and she was red with embarrassment for a whole month.
Nichole M.

HOW TO CALL THE POLICE WHEN YOU’RE OLD AND DON’T MOVE FAST ANYMORE.

12 Jun

George Phillips of Gold Coast, Australia was going up to bed when his wife told him that he’d left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. (Boy does this sound familiar! )

George opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.
He phoned the police, who asked “Is someone in your house?” and he said “no”. Then they said that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be along when available. George said, “Okay,” hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.

“Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don’t have to worry about them now because I’ve just shot them.” Then he hung up.

Within five minutes three police cars, an Armed Response Unit, and an ambulance showed up at the Phillips’ residence and caught the burglars red-handed.

One of the Policemen said to George: “I thought you said that you’d shot them!”

George said, “I thought you said there was nobody available!”

Moral of the story: Don’t mess with old people!!

The International Council’s laws for men

12 Jun

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss’s car.
(d) When she is using her teeth.

3: Any man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his friends.

4: If you’ve known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

5: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate’s fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is

unsuitable.

6: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your mate’s birthday

is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy’s choice.

7: In the mini-bus, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

8: When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may

never ask whose playing.

10: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you’re sunning on a tropical beach … and it’s delivered by

a topless model and only when it’s free.

11: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

12: Unless you’re in prison, never fight naked.

13:Friends don’t let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

14: If a man’s fly is down, that’s his problem, you didn’t see anything.

15: Women who claim they “love to watch sports” must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and

the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

17: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that’s just greedy.

18: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you’d better be talking about his choice of beer.

20: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc.
For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

21: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her.
Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

23: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

24: Thou shall not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime, green, orange or sky blue.

25: The girl who replies to the question “What do you want for Christmas?” with “If you loved me, you’d know what I want!”

gets an Xbox360. End of story.

26: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men’sGymnastics. Ever.

27: We’ve all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to

keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:

“GUTS” is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts

to say, “are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?”

“BALLS” is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping

your wife square on the bum and having the balls to say, “You’re next fatty!”

I hope this clears up any confusion,